No, the 8 words were not: “Your wife was killed by a great white!” or anything calamitous like that. (And no, Erin dear, this wasn’t an email from you, so close your Sent folder and keep reading.)
The day-wrecking email, whose sender shall remain anonymous, was this:
“Still no explanation and no statement for February!”
I know, it means absolutely nothing to you—and knowing the sender, I can make an honest case that he didn't send it to harm—but it completely shut me down.
The sender’s 8 words have been haunting me all day: “Hello?! Anyone home? You’ve completely failed me on two fronts, Sean. You’ve greeted my completely reasonable requests with silence. What, too busy blogging and promoting your stupid book to tend to your clients? Huh? Stop diddling and get this done. Ahhhhh!”
Was it the email’s exclamation point that stung me? Perhaps. In email, I am particularly sensitive to:
· exclamation points,
· ALL CAPS (stop yelling at me!), and
· “Please advise.” (Am I the only one who hates “Please advise.”? It so smacks of condescension that I literally wince every time I read it. “Look, schmuck, you screwed this up and now you better fix it. It’s entirely on your shoulders. God help us. Please advise.” Ugh!)
Or was it what the sender didn’t say that got my little panties caught in a bunch?
“Dear Sean, I’m sure you’re slaving away on so many earth-moving and monumental things. But when you get a moment in your busy life, I'd love to know the answer to my relatively unimportant question. Oh also, I'd like to see the February statement. Love you! Me”
Now look, nearly everyone who’s ever emailed me anything has faced a question or two from me about the (real or imagined) message behind the message. Among my friends and associates, I am notoriously thin skinned, and routinely read into emails and agonize over, among other things:
· what’s written and not unwritten,
· punctuation,
· subject headers, and
· where I fall on the sender’s distribution list.
For the record, I realize I’m crazier about these things than most, though check out this reinforcing clip from Stephen Colbert:
This post has three cautionary messages for you, dear reader:
1. When emailing me with a call for action: Be careful what you write and don’t write, how you punctuate, and how your subject header reads. And always be sure to put me near the top of your distribution list (otherwise, I’ll be convinced I was added as an afterthought, burst into tears, and stop reading). For what it’s worth, I still haven’t provided the explanation or February’s statement.
2. When emailing others with a call for action: Think about whom your sending your emails to, and think carefully if they’re remotely as paranoid-afflicted as I am. If they are—or even if they might be—wrap some love into those emails. It’ll only take a second longer, and it’s likely to keep your audience feeling bullet-proof, and keeping them focused on getting you what you need. This isn’t about doling out warm fuzzies for the sake of doling out warm fuzzies. This is about managing the many and varied personalities in your world, and reducing the drama so you can get your message across and get your requirements met.
3. If you’re the Anonymous 8-Word Emailer, and have been willing to put away your selfish needs long enough to read this post: I am paralyzed by the trauma you inflicted on me. The next time we speak (which might not be for weeks, because I’ll be actively avoiding your calls and follow-up emails), I will consider forgiving you, but only if you first apologize to me without me tipping off to you what I’m so upset about. In the meantime I’ll consider giving you an explanation, but don’t even think about getting your February statement.
About Sean O'Neil
Sean O’Neil is an expert in workplace and team dynamics. He is also Principal and CEO of One to One Leadership (www.one2oneleadership.com), a sales and management training firm with clients that include the National Basketball Association, Major League Soccer, News Corporation, First Data, ADP, Xerox, the Oakland Raiders and the New York Knicks. Sean and John Kulisek co-authored Bare Knuckle People Management: Creating Success with the Team You Have – Winners, Losers, Misfits and All, which is due to be published in May 2011. Sean has contributed to or been featured in, among others, The New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, Selling Power Magazine and Incentive Magazine. He can also frequently be seen pacing the sidelines of a youth team he’s coaching.
