Got nothing against little people. (At 5’8”, some would say I should include myself in their ranks.) It’s the Smalls I can’t stand. Small, as in petty. Been battling the Smalls my whole life. They’re everywhere and, like vampires, they suck the life out of you and turn you into one of their own. Maybe that’s why Smalls appear to be growing in number.
Here’s a classic exchange I had recently with a Small – I’ll call him Small Bob – after my partner and I lost a tough platform tennis match against a rival club. For the uninitiated, platform tennis, casually known as paddle, is a racket sport that falls somewhere between tennis and racquetball. Paddle is played outdoors during the winter.
All juicy Small stories have back stories, and the one regarding Small Bob is this: I picked up paddle a few years ago, and having played tennis most of my life, I’ve become fairly good in a relatively short time. I play every chance I get, which helps. My wife would tell you I’m paddle addicted.
Bob has been playing paddle forever, and in recent years has fallen from his place among the area’s better players. Bob might not be 100 years old, but on certain days, when it’s really cold and he’s clinging to a post-paddle, half-consumed beer and has a cigarette dangling from his lips, he might look it. (Ok, that’s Small Sean talking. Shame on me. See, Small Bob is turning me into a Small!)
My paddle partner is Bill – paddle is almost always a doubles game. Bill is the Roger Federer of local paddle players. He’s built like a brick shithouse, runs like a gazelle, and has a knack for making opponents look ridiculous with his crazy spins and dazzling backward, between-the-legs shots. He’s not nationally ranked, but could be. Bill is a paddle stud, and I’m lucky to be partnered with him. Everyone knows it. He knows it (but would never say). I know it, and joke about it freely. And some, like Small Bob, know it, and take every opportunity to remind me just how lucky I am to be paired with someone as skilled as Bill.
Here’s the exchange after the match the other night:
Small Bob: Nice playing, Bill. You played well.
Me: Um, thanks…but I’m Sean.
Small Bob: Yes, I know. I was talking to Bill.
Me: (feeling shittier already) Oh.
Small Bill: (smiling sarcastically) Don’t worry, Sean. We’ll get you a good partner one of these days. I’ll see what I can do to get you paired with someone who can actually play.
Me: (slouched over and moving toward my car, muttering under my breath) Go to hell, Bob.
Smalls are a nightmare. They’re adept at finding the right buttons to push, and when you wince in pain after they press the right one, they zero in on that button. Knocking you down seems to make Smalls feel bigger.
I’ve tried everything to minimize the impact of Smalls on my life:
· Ignoring them: they know you’re listening and wincing inside…they’ll just keep coming
· Yelling at Them: sure, then you look like the lunatic because others don’t know the back story
· Trying not to Let it Bother You: yeah, right
· Be Small like They Are: then they’ve beaten you
· Confronting them Appropriately about their Smallness: they’ll greet you with shock and utter ignorance
I’ve spoken with Bill about Small Bob countless times, and Bill assures me that he faced the same treatment from Small Bob when he picked up the game and was rising through the ranks. After giving this some thought, I’ve determined that Bill is so self-assured about his level of play that Small Bob’s jabs eventually lost their sting. Pushing buttons that cause no pain seem to cause Smalls to look elsewhere.
Maybe I’ll get better at paddle and work on my self-assuredness. Or play with a worse partner. Or run for the car after I lose the next time.
Not sure what to do. I just hate those Smalls.
About Sean O'Neil
Sean O’Neil is an expert in workplace and team dynamics. He is also Principal and CEO of One to One Leadership (www.one2oneleadership.com), a sales and management training firm with clients that include the National Basketball Association, Major League Soccer, News Corporation, First Data, ADP, Xerox, the Oakland Raiders and the New York Knicks. Sean and John Kulisek co-authored Bare Knuckle People Management: Creating Success with the Team You Have – Winners, Losers, Misfits and All, which is due to be published in May 2011. Sean has contributed to or been featured in, among others, The New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, Selling Power Magazine and Incentive Magazine.
