Parents:
Yes, there might be snow on the ground on this first day of spring, but warmer, sunnier days lie ahead. As evidence, I deliver you the following exciting news from Pelham Little League baseball:
Your son or daughter has been drafted by one of Pelham's elite recreation baseball teams, the American League Twins. We have an extroadinarily proud tradition. I have never, ever lost a title as manager of the American League Twins, and this year will be no exception.
Please see the attached official final roster. No, those are not typos - that's really our team. Assistant coaches, Dougherty and Zale, and I combed through mountains of data - school and medical records, each player's historical statistics, teacher interviews, and, of course, genetic data - to find the true gems available in this year's draft.
When I examined our final roster and saw names like Min, Koff, Tam, Soderberg, Conrad, White and Mackool, I honestly wondered what draft list the other managers could possibly have been choosing from. I've coached a few of these greats before, most recently on last year's T-Ball Tigers, so I knew we'd get some returning talent. And, though it might have appeared as though I spent all of last season goofing around on the field, I was taking careful stock of pockets of talent around the league. From the looks of things, I was able to draft them all.
Please sit tight as I await information about field availability and regular season and post-season schedules from the League. As you probably know, Pelham field space is at a premium in spring, so we will unfortunately not be permitted to schedule two-a-day practices. (If I've told Pelham Little League once, I've told them a thousand times: player development needs to be a priority. Apparently, my message has fallen on deaf ears.) In fact, most of our practice time will take place right before we play games. It's a good thing we drafted so well - we won't need much practice.
Most managers these days aim for "fun." That's all fine and well, unless you want to win championships, which I very much do. My "fun" happens when I "win." And, though the PLL rules expressly state, "No score is kept. No wins or losses.", rest assured I'll be keeping score and that we'll be winning. The trophies that every kid gets at the end of the season will actually mean something to our kids.
By way of logistics:
· I will need some help coordinating snack time. Last season I had the distinct pleasure of working with Tigers' Snack Czar, Sheri Min, who served admirably. But I believe I'll be moving in a different direction this year. See, she's only a doctor--an OB-GYN, to be precise. Nutrition being as important as it is, I'm desperately hoping one among you is a registered dietician or nutritionist (or a physician with particular expertise in pediatric nurtrition). If interested, please send a detailed resume.
· Coaches Dougherty and Zale and I will likely need extra assistant coaches. (Kindly cast aside any fantasies of actually possessing any control or influence over this team - I won't even let Dougherty or Zale have that, and you'll technically fall beneath them on the org chart.) Our drills are incredibly complex, and our secret success sauce can be boiled down to our ability to provide individualized attention.
American League baseball is a big commitment - at least an hour a week. Please speak with your first grader today and make sure he or she is committed to greatness. It will be a wonderful season - it always is.
That's all for now. Again, I'll send along practice/game information when I receive it.
Welcome to the Twins!
Sean O'Neil, Team Manager
Twins
